Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
