We won't sleep together?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
