His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
