Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
