omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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