I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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