Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
