even my farts smell like vagina
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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