Fine. I'll sleep in my office
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
