I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
