Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm too high and old for this...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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