I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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