32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
