I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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