Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
