just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
