your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I would fuck him just for his dog
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
