btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
