If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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