Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
wow bdsm is so cute
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
