I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
