I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
