I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She just used a chaser for red wine.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
