He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
