He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
