I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
