the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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