God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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