remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
