hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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