You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
