I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
