be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
