there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
