Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
