why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
