He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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