I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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