He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
