Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
