There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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