what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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