i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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