genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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