Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
