Already got asked if we're dating
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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