thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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