Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
