he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
