I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
