Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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